OK !! I don't want to know HELLO !!!

It seems to me that when I have an opinion about a celebrity that I get quite a lot of feedback ... So I will continue

Now then

Brian MacSaddam and Kerry Keytosis

I want to know why, why WHY !!!!

He is just a Brian and like all Brians just behaves like a Brian ... He has no describable appeal, the charisma of a Tetse fly and a voice that is no better than a japanese Karaoke star ... Oh and he must have an excellent pair of beer goggles.

I have clocked some great Delta wannabe's at my local B&Q so he has at least taken a step up from the monster that was Mrs MacShaton.
Was she in the Bogey babes or was it ectopic kit off ?
Has she actually contributed to society at any level ? ...
and is she trying to outdo Jade Goody in the munter stakes 'cos its a toss up

Jade Goody ... now don't get me started on that worthless piece of shit or I'll be at it all day

Anyway it saddens me that good trees are being cut down, pulped and processed just so we can get a glimpse of Kerry Katatonia showing us her arse, Brian 'Big' Mac Gibbon sporting this weeks facial growth and Jade Shoddy gurning outside a supermarket with sixteen brats under each arm

... Surely this is an excellent advert for eugenics

Mans best friend ...

I smell better
hear more
Don't have to do fuck all
except
Eat sleep and shit ...
There you are, looking like a dog, going off in your dog-tooth jacket, feeling like the dogs bollocks. You fancy doing a bit of dogging, finding your bitch, heavy petting, doing it doggie style. So you have a sniff around, make sure your not in the dog-house, on the hunt, take the lead, give your puppy dog eyes, hound, beg, howl at the moon, don't shit on your own doorstep and Shake a leg. I've got a bone to pick about this dogs life, I bark out some orders, I am the dog with two cocks, on heat, hot to trot, keep me on a short leash, I chase that ball, I reach that lamp-post, running boxer-style.

Good boy.

How low can you go ? (about a Chihuahua)

Now give me something to eat ...

Decked up

Just for a change I am not going to rant ... Yes she has been spread all over the media like a small Tsunami all week but ... well ... she is bloody brilliant though. I know as an occupation it ranks in importance alongside the numpties that try to cram themselves into minis to get into the Guinness book of pointless, but she is one brave and determined cookie ... and like all skilled and gifted explorers she has made the whole enterprise look, dare I say it, exciting and easy.
Right now, stuck behind a desk, I yearn for a spell on the open seas, so I applaud Ellen, dame of the ocean, Captain Nemess.

The only thing I'd like Ellen to do on her next voyage ...
Use Pete Doherty as an anchor

(you will of course notice that I have used no references to 'the horn' 'seamen' 'wind at my back' 'spray on my face' or any other rude and defamatory nautical expressions in this missive ... out of respect)