His majesty is coming ...

The best thing about Christmas is looking forward to all the great things that may happen in January. Well next year I will be going to see the master Mr Julian Cope. He is gracing us with his presence on January 21st at The Royal Festival Hall and I, along with a few thousand other devotees, will be there. It is close to my birthday (always depressing) and will serve to cheer me through another notch on the life stick. I have carried this mans music with me since the late 70's and he has consistantly surprised, frustrated, thrilled and entertained me in that time. Cope is like your intellectual, slightly mad friend who does things that you wish you had the balls to do. Musically he has had some stella, sublime, brilliant moments and a good deal of self-indulgence, as a performer he is unique, captivating and charismatic. I want 'Trampoline' played at my funeral and I'm glad I've got Julian in my life ...

Good Comedy

I went to the Komedia last night, the Krater Club to be precise, to see a friend of mine perform, Stuart Hudson. He was very good. He has done a fair bit of travelling in the last year working the clubs up and down the country. he is destined for big things.

whats the difference ?

What is the difference between these two ...




Not a lot really
both DJ's
ones from Liverpool the other one is from Manchester
they both have that 80's radio 1 DJ drone, mock ironic, mock intelligent, mock one of the lads, up to the minute, in your face, got to love the sound of this, got to dash out and buy the next piece of aural filth excreated by some nasty spotty halfwitted indie band that can barely string two guitars together let alone entertain anyone but themselves, type voice

Questions ::

Why do these people exist ?
What actual function do they actually perform?
Why are they allowed to broadcast on anything other than Abergavenny hospital radio ?

I'm off to do some binge drinking now in the hope that I'll get an on the spot prize ...

Oh he said FINE ...

Be afraid ...

I woke up this morning with Cliff Richard in my head and to paraphrase Jack Crawford "You don't want Cliff Richard inside your head" especially not "Mistletoe and Wine" and even worse NOT the couplet "Christmas time, mistletoe and wine, children singing cristeean rhymes" ... oh my god, does this mean that I am hurtling towards a life of dribbling, knuckle dragging, dementia ... will I start eating flys, or even worse dates (you know, the ones in the absurd shaped box with a picture of a camel on the front) ? Will I shuffle towards the distant twinkling lights of the pound shop window, enter and purchase ... plastic holly.

Christmas is a time for giving ... so everyone I meet this year is going to get herpes !

The only decent memory I have of the festive season is when I made 3D glasses from the outer cellophane wrapping encasing quality street strawberry and (if memory serves) the cocoanut filled chocolates. Oh what fun and I was convinced that The Great Escape was actually 3D. Donald Pleasence seemed to reach out to me and Charles Bronson dug himself right out of the telly ...

I wish I could say that this was thirty odd years ago, when I was a small child,
but I'm afraid it was only two years ago ...
was it the port ?
or was it the mescalin?

seething ... what

feck feck and dooble feck was the early morning chorus today. Servers went down ... and were then put up with old information ... Cinema du Lyon was back to a flash site that had old stuff on it ... Blog of Funk was transported back to the 11th of November and to cap it all I got my foot trodded on in the tube ... Life before Christmas eh ! Happy Bloody birthday Jesus

How to dismantle an atomic bomb ?

Put two kilos of self raising flour into a mixing bowl, add the yoke of two eggs, three table spoons of sugar and some milk. Add some strontium 90 and some depleted uranium, add a pinch of plutonium 662. Whisk until firm and place into the oven for thirty to forty minutes. Oh sorry Bono I thought you mean't how to make an atomic cake ...

A quick pickle update

I have been talking to my various sauces (sic) in the food service industry and it seems that Premier foods are frantically trying to restore stocks of Branston in time for christmas, the thought of christmas without Branston is unthinkable, I have heard stories of jars being spotted in small corner shops. My advice is to get down to your local Spar and see if there are any jars lurking at the back of the shelves. I am personally very worried about this issue and will be conducting tests on alternatives ... I do not recommend Bartons pickle ! it tastes of metal. I don't mind Heinz ploughmans pickle but again the stocks are depleted due to the panic buying ... any other suggestions gratefully received.